I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. It was 1994 ---17 years ago. I was enjoying reading a self-improvement book called “Telling Yourself the Truth” by William Backus. I arrived at a chapter toward the end of the book which began meddling with my mind. This was a chapter that would forever change my outlook and approach to life.
Up to this point in my life, I had always prided myself in a job well done, going the extra mile or two, making the best better, and doing a job no one could do any better. I had the latest organizing, self-help, and improvement books. If my husband had an idea, I would always see the big picture and the potential pitfalls. I liked to call It being practical, being realistic. However, I think there’s another name for it, being pessimistic, critical spirit, always seeing the cup half empty---focusing on the failure factor potential rather than celebrating success. After all, I had to balance out his ‘pie in the sky’ faith filled ‘unrealistic’ cup half full approach to life. Someone had to keep his feet on the ground! Yes, he is a very patient man!
Not only did I have to do my best, I wanted my daughters to do their best as well. They were the dread of other girls at the county fair. If they got their garments, cooking projects, or other entries past me, they were assured of having a top place and usually a championship rating. What a tremendous amount of pressure my expectations put on them. I see this looking back though at the time it was not a conscious motive I recognized.
So back to this book. What I had prized so highly—being a perfectionist, doing a perfect job, saying the perfect thing, being a perfect family, was suddenly under attack! Perfectionism is an admirable character quality isn’t it? It seems that the author of this book was saying otherwise! Perfectionism had a lot of negative aspects to it. You mean that all my life what I thought was exemplary was in fact a very negative character flaw? Talk about knock me off my feet!
To sum it up, I found out that even with its positive qualities, perfectionism had become a performance prison for me with no possibility of parole for good behavior, because no amount of ‘good behavior’ nothing I could do would ever be enough to convince me, the perfectionist, of my intrinsic value as a person.” I derived my value not from who I am in Christ, but what I could do. I felt valued because I made my husband’s suits. I felt valued because I could organize my home, have it squeaky clean, teach my daughters, and organize anything from girls club to work parties at church or dinner parties at home.
It was a great day when it dawned on me that my husband’s unconditional love was based on who I am, not what I could do for him. I am glad to say that over the years I have changed my self-talk! I have come to accept the fact that I am perfect in God’s eyes and that’s what counts! I am a former perfectionist, living by grace in the freedom I have in Christ Jesus, living in faith and letting go of my perfectionist expectations of self and others.
The emotional, spiritual and mental implications are obvious, but what does this have to do with being physically fit? There are at least two perfectionist attitudes that have sabotaged my weight loss. If I didn’t follow my food plan perfectly I was afraid I’d loose control completely and get fat. If I didn’t exercise every day, I felt I might quit altogether. So how did I learn to deal with this? We shall see. Thanks for visiting with this "Babyboomergrandma".
And until next time, may God richly bless your life.
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