Been there done that! My Moose Moments!

 I was 32 when my second and last baby arrived. From that time until my mid 40’s I was able to drop weight pretty much at will. I would just fast---drinking only water--- for a week or two and drop weight dramatically. Over the years I also tried low/high carb, low/high protein, the latest fad,  counting calories, journaling, etc etc etc. I remember how proud I was at a meeting I sponsored in my home on weight loss as I held up the jeans that were now way too big!  What a great feeling and how motivating!  Can you imagine the self-condemnation when I couldn’t even get those same jeans half way on, several years later?



Oldest Daughters
Wedding day!



With friends in Jamaica--
A 'Moose Moment' for sure!



 I have had all the excuses!  I have worked out at gyms for over 15 years. I had great motivation to get ready for my oldest daughter’s wedding. I worked so hard to take off weight and all I did was add muscle under the fat, making my arms even bigger and the sleeves in my jacket even tighter. I just had to smile and ignore my size at the wedding. After all, it was my daughter’s day. I once said that the only thing harder than being short and fat is to be tall and fat. I felt like a moose!  So my daughter’s wedding was one of many ‘moose moments’ for me!  Guess I should have been glad I didn’t feel like an elephant!!    You think???

After 50 and menopause, by body just said “no way”---with all the yoyo losing the weight and gaining it back again, my body rebelled and would no longer take anything off. I had hijacked my metabolism and it didn’t know what to do at this point!  Plus, my small waist was disappearing as I began getting a so called ‘post-menopause pot-belly’…something I had never had. Big hips, yes, but always a smaller waist.  In fact there were some ladies in the market in Jamaica who commented on my ‘hour-glass’ shape with that small waist and big hips!  They thought my shape was beautiful. I must say that did help me to look at myself a bit differently!  I am not a skinny person, never was , never will be and don’t really want to be. I think curves are nice!!! But I do want to be my healthy weight.

Even with all the challenges I never gave up—that is, until that June day I decided to try to be happy fat!  I was tired of fighting the battle of the bulge.  I wanted to be able to eat what I wanted and not have to worry about it. All this time I had been doing spinning classes a couple of times a week as well as body sculpting class, step aerobics, palates and some exercises on my own. I was spending at least 8 to 10 hours a week at the gym. However, the previous 4 months I had not so much as set foot in the gym! So this particular day I made the conscious choice to learn how to be happy fat.  I figured this would give me some relief from the struggle. Afterall, it’s important to accept ones self the way they are. There were lots of rationalizations running through my mind.

Prior to making this decision my daughter Rebekah decided to help me update my wardrobe. She was so encouraging in helping me find outfits that made me look good even with my ‘girth’!  She saw the beauty and took it upon herself to help me find items that accentuated my good points and camouflaged my less desirable ones!  We even took pictures so I would put the outfits together correctly.



This one looked pretty good!



Never wore this belt
after seeing the picture!

 


Where O Where did my little waste go??



 I have a tendency to be 'style challenged', having no clue about what goes together best. I’m improving in that department with practice!  Even with Rebekah's encouragement, I wasn’t always convinced that I looked good, as my eyes went directly to the oversized areas of my body.  However, it did help me feel better about myself and how I looked.

What made me give up was just something that clicked in my brain. Nothing was working and I had started gaining some weight. The new outfits were a bit tighter!  I figured what's there to loose?  ---- I’d never tried this new approach----being happy fat.  So why not give it a try??  

I don’t want you to think I was REALLY trying to eat well. I loved ice cream, bread, fruits, pastries, on and on. So it wasn’t like I was REALLY trying. However, I soon realized that this new approach was not going well. It gave me license to eat more—after all, I was now going to be happy fat!  Thus I soon gained 10 more pounds very rapidly. I now had a muffin top, rolls of fat in areas that had always been lean and I became convinced that ‘fat and happy’ was not for me!  But what could I do?  Nothing was working! 

All was not loss---there was and is hope and light at the end of the tunnel for all of us. We will get through this tunnel in due time! I will catch you up to the end of that tunnel soon, as I am already approaching it rapidly!!! YEA!! In the mean time, Thanks for visiting with this  "Babyboomergrandma". 
My journey is in its beginning stages at month #8 now, but this is a life time journey!  Until next time, may God richly bless YOUR life.